The Homicidal Castle Dweller
by Sarah1281
Summary: On their way to visit a very old professor Sheldon is certain is wrong about something, he and Raj run into a closed road and no wifi. Fortunately, there was a castle a few miles back and someone there should be able to give them directions to Dr. Scott.
1. Chapter 1

The Homicidal Castle Dweller

Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

It was, Raj decided, quite pathetic that he had nothing better to do on a Sunday night than to take Sheldon to visit some ninety-something professor. Well, he said 'visit' but Sheldon was hardly the visiting type. He wasn't quite sure if watching Sheldon bully someone who was probably half-dead would be more amusing or depressing.

Still, Howard was busy turning the wonderful, gorgeous Bernadette into a clone of his mother – what was wrong with that man? – and Leonard was out on a date with Penny. True, both of them claimed that it was just a friend thing but he wasn't blind. Now that his sister was no longer in the picture (and he refused to think about just _why_ that was) the pair had been spending a lot more time together.

The rain was coming down in buckets and Sheldon was glaring at the wind-shield wiper. "Your visibility is compromised. Turn the wiper up."

"It's fine, Sheldon," Raj insisted.

"But you cannot see properly," Sheldon protested. "You're getting to be as bad as Penny."

Raj rolled his eyes. "Her check engine light may have been on for the past four years but she's very rarely had car trouble."

"I'm sure that will be a great comfort when you get us killed crashing into a tree," Sheldon replied.

"I'm not going to get us killed, Sheldon," Raj said flatly.

"When you get us stranded in the middle of nowhere in a rainstorm, then," Sheldon amended.

Raj pulled the car up short when he noticed that the road was closed up ahead. "Huh. Map quest didn't say anything about this. And there have been all these motorcyclists coming from this direction. They can't all have been people turned around because then we would have spotted them on the way up."

"Oh, who cares?" Sheldon asked, annoyed. "Find a new route. I want to get there before Dr. Scott is asleep, after all. You'd be surprised how irritable people can be if you have to wake them up to discuss the intricacies of the universe."

Raj pulled out his phone and tried to bring up a map. He winced. "It's no good, Sheldon. There's no wi-fi in the area."

"No wi-fi?" Now Sheldon looked truly horrified. "This is a disaster. Why didn't you come prepared, Koothrappali?"

"I _did_ come prepared," Raj snapped."I brought a map and my phone and everything."

"Clearly you weren't prepared _enough_," Sheldon said pointedly. "Seeing as how both of those have failed you and now we're lost and I've heard there's a bobcat loose in the area."

"We're not going to be eaten by a bobcat, Sheldon," Raj tried to reassure him. Then again, that was quite unsettling. "Probably."

Sheldon's eyes widened. "Who said anything about being eaten by a bobcat? I was just sharing my knowledge. Could we be eaten by a bobcat?"

"Not as long as we stay in the car," Raj said soothingly. The last thing he needed was to be trapped in a small space in a rainstorm with a panicky Sheldon. In fact, he wouldn't want to be there with any Sheldon at all but a panicky one would be especially bad. "And why weren't you more prepared anyway? You're the reason we're making this trip, after all."

"True," Sheldon acknowledged. "But you know I don't drive."

Raj sighed and carefully made a u-turn and started heading back in the other direction. He had only made it a few feet when there was a loud bang and the car stopped.

"Was that the tire blowing out? It sounded like the tire blowing out," Sheldon announced.

"I must have run over something," Raj said, frowning.

"Please tell me that you at least have a spare tire," Sheldon said, looking like he was willing to completely write Raj off as a person if he didn't.

Despite how tempting that was, Raj reluctantly nodded. "I do, in fact. Actually, I have two."

Sheldon cocked his head. "Two?" he repeated quizzically.

"I'm Indian," Raj explained. "My parents keep telling me that you can never be too careful."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Sheldon demanded. "Go fix the tire."

Raj glanced out the window for any sign of the rain lightening up. If anything, it seemed like the rain was pouring down even harder than it had been previously. "But Sheldon, I'll get drenched!"

"And if we stay here until the rain stops then we very well might kill the car battery," Sheldon pointed out. "Just do it."

"Why can't you do it?" Raj whined.

"It's your car," Sheldon said reasonably.

Out of arguments, Raj slipped from the car and changed the tire as fast as he possibly could before hurrying back to the driver's seat.

"You're dripping water everywhere," Sheldon complained, wrinkling his nose.

Raj shot him a look of pure distaste. "We should probably ask for directions. Wasn't there a castle a few miles back?"

"Indeed there was," Sheldon confirmed. "And if they don't have directions then at the very least they might have wi-fi."

"Why would there be a castle in California anyway?" Raj wondered.

"Who knows how the minds of lesser mortals work?" Sheldon asked rhetorically. "You should ask Penny. Or Wolowitz."

"Not Leonard?" Raj asked, somewhat surprised that Leonard hadn't made Sheldon's list of lesser mortals this time.

"No, if you can't figure it out then it must be beyond Leonard," Sheldon explained.

They drove the rest of the way to the castle in silence. Raj parked a little too close to the castle to be polite but it was still raining really hard and he didn't want to get wet. Fortunately he had two umbrellas as well so he and Sheldon didn't have to share and he didn't have to put up with Sheldon complaining about getting wet.

They went up to the door.

"Castle owner, castle owner, castle owner," Sheldon chanted as he knocked.

Raj rather doubted that anyone would be able to hear his words through a door that was thicker than their apartment doors but with any luck he'd still be able to hear the nodding.

After a moment, a creepy-looking hunched-over man with long blonde hair and a large bald spot opened the door. "Hello. You're not wet," he said to Sheldon with some surprise.

"No," Sheldon agreed. "Like any sensible man, I used an umbrella." He looked pointedly in Raj's direction.

"Hello, you don't happen to have directions to Dr. Scott's house, do you? Or at least some internet access?" Raj asked hopefully, ignoring Sheldon for now.

"I think you both had best come inside," the man told t hem, gesturing for them to come in.

Neither of them moved.

"I have seen this horror movie too many times and the brown man always goes first," Raj declared.

"You haven't answered the question," Sheldon protested. "Do you know how to get to Dr. Scott's house or have internet or don't you?"

The blonde man sighed. "Yes to both questions. You'll have to take it up with the master of the house, Dr. Furter, however. We are in the midst of a party but he should be down shortly."

Raj's eyes lit up at that. "Ooh, a party. Are there beautiful women here?"

The man nodded. "There are indeed."

"Well, alright then," Raj said, happily stepping inside the castle.

"Who are you?" Sheldon demanded. "I'm not entering any establishment if I do not know the name of whoever invited me in."

"I am Riff Raff," Riff Raff introduced.

"This had better not take long," Sheldon said as he, too, entered the building.

"Very nice decorations," Raj complimented. "It's very haunted mansion-y."

"Either that or they never clean," Sheldon remarked.

"Sheldon!"

"Are you going to offer us a beverage? It's customary to offer guests in your home a beverage," Sheldon informed the blonde man.

"There are beverages right this way," Riff Raff informed them.

"Ah, but first it's that time again," a red-headed woman in a maid's outfit cried out gleefully as she slid down the banister.

Immediately, Raj felt his voice die. Great, and there was only _Sheldon_ to say the right thing or translate for him.

Apparently that was some sort of cue as the woman and Riff Raff began singing about madness and time warps. They led him and Sheldon into the party, still singing, and all of the guests were doing the dance as well. It wasn't a very difficult dance, particularly as they kept singing the instructions to it.

"I don't dance," Sheldon said stubbornly as he stood off to the side.

Raj, however, was still quite capable of dancing even if he couldn't speak and he didn't want to be compared to Sheldon the wet blanket and so he silently joined in.

When it was over everyone was lying on the ground and waiting for something to break the spell. That something, as it turned out, was Sheldon.

"I'm sorry but I don't see a beverage anywhere," he said loudly.

Everyone climbed to their feet then and Riff Raff disappeared for a few moments before reappearing with a glass of what appeared to be water.

"Satisfied?" he asked.

Sheldon considered. "It'll do."

"And here's the master now," Riff Raff said, nodding towards the old-fashioned elevator in the back of the room.

Raj took one look at 'the master' and leaned over and whispered in Riff Raff's ear. "Is he a vampire?"

"That would really depend on how you look at it," Riff Raff said dryly. "But it's not really your blood he's after."

That was strangely not reassuring. And he honestly had no idea what to make of Dr. Furter striding to the front of the room, taking off his vampire coat, and revealing that he was wearing a pearl necklace, a backwards black corset, long black fingerless gloves, and black underwear attached to extremely long translucent black leggings. It almost didn't surprise him when the man began to sing about being a transvestite.

"Did he just ask us out on a date?" Raj whispered into Sheldon's ear.

"I don't know," Sheldon replied. "Who is Steve Reeves anyway?"

"Ask him about the directions," Raj whispered.

"Oh, alright," Sheldon said, taking another sip of his water. "It does seem rude to interrupt, though. Dr. Furter? Oh, Dr. Furter?"

Dr. Furter looked a little taken aback at the address. "Yes?"

"We're looking for Dr. Scott's house. Do you know where it is or will you let us use your internet so we can find it ourselves?" Sheldon requested.

That stopped Dr. Furter up short. "Dr. Scott…that name is not unknown to me." He peered suspiciously at them. "This wasn't just a chance meeting, was it? 'Flat tire' indeed. You came here with a purpose!"

"Yes," Sheldon agreed, nonplussed. It was likely that he, too, had noticed that they hadn't ever mentioned having a flat tire and Raj had since fixed it. "We need directions."

"Oh, if you're here then I have no doubt that Dr. Von Scott will be here soon enough," Dr. Furter said darkly.

Von Scott? Raj leaned over and whispered hurriedly in Sheldon's ear.

"I have no idea whether or not Dr. Furter is accusing Dr. Scott of being a Nazi," Sheldon replied. "And I don't really care. Now, what do you mean by 'soon enough'? It's very nice of him to come to us but I don't want to wait long."

"You can come up to the lab and see what's on the slab while you wait," Dr. Furter instructed. "I've been making a man with blonde hair and a tan and he'll be good for relieving my…tension."

With that, he turned and went back to the elevator.

"You're lucky that Frank didn't kill you for interrupting his song like that," a woman with a top hat and a lot of sequins on told them. "He's been known to do that, you know."

Raj hurried over to Riff Raff. "Wait, is his name Frank Furter?"

"It is," Riff Raff said slowly. "And please don't make the inevitable not nearly as funny as you think it is joke about being a hot dog. If you do then I might be forced to kill you."

Raj gulped and nodded.

"Who are you?" Sheldon demanded. He pointed to the woman in the maid's outfit. "And who is she?"

"I'm Columbia," Columbia introduced.

"Magenta," Magenta said, bowing theatrically.

"Why would he kill us?" Sheldon asked blankly. "He's the one who stopped singing."

"You're the one who asked him something in the middle of his song," Columbia countered.

"He's the one who had stopped singing. For all I knew he was done," Sheldon defended.

"Of course he wasn't done," Columbia said, rolling her eyes. "Didn't you hear the music still playing?"

"I thought it was background music," Sheldon replied.

Raj had actually found something to be of a bit more importance than the idea that he was taking Sheldon to visit (and, more to the point, browbeat) a Nazi. Even a former ninety-something Nazi was not exactly the kind of person he'd want to meet. Ever. "Sheldon," he whispered. "Did Dr. Furter say that he was _creating life_?"

Sheldon thought back. "You know, I do believe he did. I have a hard time believing that he will actually be able to succeed but it should be good for a laugh if nothing else."

Magenta began pulling at Sheldon's clothes while Riff Raff did the same to Raj. Why did Sheldon get the pretty girl? He made a face and pulled away.

"I will bite you," Sheldon threatened. "Back in Texas the church taught self-defense classes to those too young to own a gun."

"But you need to put on these scrubs," Columbia said, holding up two pairs of scrubs.

"We can do that without removing our clothing, thank you very much," Sheldon said stiffly.

"But where's the fun in that?" Columbia asked rhetorically.

"If you persist in trying to remove our clothing then we will be leaving," Sheldon announced.

"What about your Dr. Scott?" Magenta asked.

"We can always try again later," Sheldon said after a moment's hesitation.

"Very well then," Riff Raff said reluctantly, guiding them towards the elevator.

"Do most people really just let you strip them?" Raj whispered to him.

A smirk made its way to Riff Raff's face. "Oh yes, indeed. They feel it's best to be polite and play along."

"But…you're stripping them without their permission or any forewarning. What's polite about that?" Raj wondered.

"It's perfectly acceptable in Transylvania," Riff Raff informed him.

Raj hadn't known that but he supposed he wasn't all that surprised. That was the land that had brought them vampires, after all.

Dr. Furter was waiting for them at the top of the elevator dressed in green scrubs with the pearl necklace prominently displayed. "Magenta, Columbia - go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain…I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your names."

"No," Sheldon agreed.

"Will you tell me what they are?" Dr. Furter requested.

"I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper and that is Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali," Sheldon introduced.

Dr. Furter grinned. "Oh, two doctors. How very…_prestigious_. Your friend doesn't talk much, does he?"

"Not when there are women present," Sheldon clarified.

"Why ever not?" Dr. Furter asked, puzzled.

Sheldon shrugged. "I haven't the foggiest."

"I'm right here, you know," Raj whispered, irritated, into Sheldon's ear.

Sheldon blinked, surprised. "Well, of course you are."

"Do you have any tattoos?" Dr. Furter asked out of the blue.

"Why would I have any tattoos?" Sheldon asked, making a face.

"Because tattoos are groovy," Dr. Furter explained. "What about your friend?"

"Not unless you count tattoo sleeves," Sheldon answered.

"Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your... word," Riff Raff called out.

"Oh, that's my cue," Dr. Furter exclaimed excitedly. "We'll finish this some other time." With that he practically pranced over to the other side of the room near all the machinery.

"It's sad, isn't it, when you consider that this man was capable of getting his doctorate and Wolowitz wasn't," Sheldon mused. "Remind me of this the next time he starts trying to convince me that a masters degree is even worth mentioning."

Raj leaned over to reply to that and Sheldon sighed. "Oh come on. There's no way that anyone female could possibly hear you from over here."

Raj knew that he had a point but still. "You never know," he whispered.

They listened quietly as Dr. Furter began his speech about how he had learned to create life. Well, they did at first.

"An _accident_?" Sheldon interrupted again. "You mean to tell me that you learned how to create life by _accident_?"

"Penicillin was discovered by accident," Dr. Furter said defensively.

"That's mold," Sheldon said dismissively. "This is _life itself_."

"Well it's not like I don't know how it works _now_," Dr. Furter snapped. "Somebody flip the switch and let's just get this over with since _some people_ are quite determined that shall not be able to enjoy anything this evening."

The switch was flipped and then a mummified creature came out of the tank.

"Wait, are we talking about mummies here?" Sheldon demanded. "Because reanimating dead matter isn't nearly as impressive as creating new life and what use is the walking dead anyway?"

"There's always an apocalyptic scenario," Raj pointed out.

"There's no way that would actually work," Sheldon disagreed. "I have a plan for that and I know how to handle a gun."

"He's not dead," Dr. Furter said, twitching. "Someone unwrap Rocky. I need to feast my eyes on his beauty."

Once 'Rocky' was unwrapped he was wearing only underwear (and while Raj wasn't sure quite why he was wearing anything at all he was rather grateful for it) and he appeared to be a model of some type. The wrapping must have been quite good as his blonde hair was still dry.

Naturally, the first thing that Rocky decided to do was start singing about swords and how much his life sucked while running around the lab. Raj could kind of feel for him, actually.

Dr. Furter then received the accolades of his followers but unfortunately Columbia didn't seem to have given him enough praise so he stalked back over to him and Sheldon.

"Sheldon, Rajesh, what do you think of him?" he asked loudly enough for Columbia and the others to hear.

Raj smiled encouragingly and gave two thumbs up.

"What do I think?" Sheldon repeated. "I think that you just created life and that I'm not leaving your castle until I know everything."

Dr. Furter smirked, pleased. "That can be arranged."

"Oh, good," Sheldon said, apparently not noticing that Dr. Furter seemed more the type to keep them there than to share his knowledge.

Dr. Furter, done with them, then moved away and started singing about how wonderful Rocky was.

"Is it just me or do you get the impression that he created life so he could have somebody to have coitus with instead of for the science?" Sheldon asked disgustedly. "That sounds like something Leonard would do."

"Not Howard or Penny?" Raj whispered.

"Them too," Sheldon conceded. "But I thought that as Leonard is the only one with a doctorate he stands the best chance."

"Eddie!" Columbia suddenly squealed.

Raj looked over to see a man drive a motorcycle out of the freezer. Well, that was odd.

The man had an ugly-looking scar on his forehead but didn't seem to notice that or that he had just been frozen because he started singing nostalgically about rock and roll. He was probably on something. Raj wished that there was something for him to be on so he could stop whispering. When Riff Raff came by again he'd have to remember to ask about that.

Dr. Furter clearly wasn't pleased about yet another interruption but it wasn't until Rocky started dancing along that he shoved Rocky into the elevator and slammed the door before chasing Eddie back into the freezer with a pick-axe.

"Well," Sheldon remarked, breaking the stunned silence. "I guess Columbia was serious about his not liking to be interrupted."

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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Disclaimer: I do not own the Rocky Horror Show or the Big Bang Theory.

Surprising, the sudden and brutal murder of who Raj could only assume had been a former guest and Columbia's boyfriend did not break up the party or even dampen the festive mood for very long. Raj had rather thought that it would and, what's more, _should_ but then Riff Raff found him a drink and he decided to worry about it later. He wouldn't have worried about it any more at all if it weren't for the fact that he figured that if Dr. Furter was going to randomly kill one guest after freezing him then he could do it to another.

The other guests had all left but Raj and Sheldon, though they had finally been given directions to Dr. Scott's house, were going to be staying the night. Sheldon had protested at first because of the difficulty he had sleeping anywhere but his own bed (especially when it was unplanned) but as Raj was quite drunk he was in no state to drive.

Columbia had grumpily shown them to their rooms before disappearing and leaving Raj to examine the lodgings. It was a pretty plain room but the bed was quite large. He lay down and fell asleep almost immediately.

Raj had no idea how long it was before he was woken up by the noise of Sheldon coming into his room but it couldn't have been that long (or he'd just had far more than he thought to drink) because he was still drunk. There was something strange about this.

Sheldon made his way to the bed and sat down on it.

Raj watched him curiously. "What are you doing?"

"Just watch," Sheldon breathed before leaning over and attempting to kiss him.

Raj, having heard enough of the instructions his sister had been given if she ever found herself in this sort of situation, immediately pulled his lips into his mouth to prevent that horror from happening.

"Oh, don't be like that," Sheldon pouted.

" 'Don't be like that'?" Raj repeated, his voice an octave higher than it usually was. "How can I not be like that when you go and pull something like that? What would Amy think?"

"Amy who?" Sheldon asked breezily.

"Amy your sexually frustrated girlfriend who will kill me if I get your attention and she doesn't," Raj said pointedly. He realized what had been bothering him. "You're not Sheldon!"

Sheldon reached up to remove his hair, revealing Dr. Furter instead. "How ever did you know? Are you not involved with him?"

Raj shuddered at the very thought. "No. Just…no. He's not involved with anyone. Even Amy's not making much progress. But that actually wasn't what made me realize."

Dr. Furter frowned, clearly unhappy that there was something wrong with his portrayal. "What was it, then?"

"Sheldon never just barges into a room," Raj explained. "Well…not without giving you plenty of opportunity to open the door or invite him in."

"What does he do to get your attention, then?" Dr. Furter inquired.

"He knocks three times in quick succession and says the name of whoever he's talking to," Raj replied. "Three times."

"That sounds a little neurotic," Dr. Furter diagnosed.

Raj rolled his eyes. "Tell me about it. So where is Sheldon, anyway? You didn't do anything to him, did you?"

Dr. Furter looked incredibly put-out at that. "I tried but…"

"Don't feel bad. That happens to everybody," Raj comforted him.

"The minute I entered – disguised as you, by the way – he wouldn't stop talking about how I was in his room and nobody went in his room. When I finally got to his bed he said he would engage in coitus with me but then said 'bazinga' and wouldn't stop ranting about how he will not engage in coitus and that in this case his mother would be firmly on his side," Dr. Furter complained. "And when I finally told him who I really was he started pestering me about cryogenics!"

"That's Sheldon for you," Raj replied with a shrug.

"Well I am not used to being denied," Dr. Furter said sourly.

"And so you came to me," Raj concluded.

Dr. Furter nodded slowly. "So I came to you."

Raj considered it. Dr. Furter was a man but he was also strangely alluring and he really was drunk. If he regretted this in the morning he'd have that excuse handy and it's not like anyone would ever know. He shrugged. "Alright."

* * *

"You should seriously consider joining a union or getting a new job," Raj remarked as he watched Dr. Furter whipping Riff Raff on their way to go look for Rocky. "I mean, he can't be paying you _that_ much?"

"Oh, don't," Dr. Furter ordered. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to get good help? I've had mine imported. See if you can find Rocky on the monitor."

Riff Raff obediently went over to the monitor. "Master, master...we have a visitor."

A very old man in a wheel-chair was right outside the house.

"I wish that my apartment had a surveillance camera," Raj said wistfully.

"Well?" Dr. Furter asked pointedly, crossing his arms.

Confused, Raj replied, "Well what?"

"Don't you have anything to _say_?" Dr. Furter prompted.

"Not particularly," Raj answered.

"But this is Dr. Von Scott!" Dr. Furter exclaimed.

"Oh, is he?" Raj asked, surprised. He peered closer at the old man. Not that he had any experience in such things but the man simply didn't _look_ like a Nazi.

"You don't know?" Dr. Furter couldn't believe it.

"Well, it's not like we've ever met," Raj said defensively, feeling slightly judged. "But I've been meaning to ask. When you say 'Von Scott' do you mean to tell me that he's a-"

"He'll probably be entering the Zen room," Riff Raff interrupted, apparently determined that Raj would never know. "Should we inquire of him in person?" Without waiting for an answer, he flipped a switch and soon Dr. Scott came hurtling through a wall.

"That can't be very efficient," Raj noted.

Dr. Scott composed himself admirably. "Frankenfurter, we meet at last."

"Frankenfurter?" Raj asked, confused. "I thought it was Frank Furter?"

"It doesn't matter, really," Dr. Furter replied with a shrug.

"You know, my friend and I were just on our way to visit you earlier tonight but we got lost," Raj told him.

Dr. Scott blinked. "I wasn't aware of any visitors. You should have called and I would have either come here on another night or told you to come by later."

"I thought Sheldon had," Raj said sheepishly. "He was really the one who wanted to see you."

Dr. Scott's eyes widened. "Sheldon? You don't happen to mean Dr. Sheldon Cooper, the man who won't stop sending me emails detailing the ways in which my life's work is implausible?"

Raj didn't know any of the details but he did know Sheldon. "Probably," he admitted.

Dr. Scott groaned.

"Sheldon often has that effect on people," Raj said, commiserating with him. "But why are you here? Especially so late?"

"I'm looking for Eddie," Dr. Scott replied. "I know it's late but I just opened my mail not long ago and saw his letter. It sounded pretty urgent so I left immediately."

"Eddie?" Dr. Furter repeated suspiciously. "What do you know of Eddie?"

"I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things," Dr. Scott said importantly. "You see Eddie happens to be my nephew."

"Small world," Raj murmured.

"I should probably warn you that I don't take any reference to that monstrosity well, either," Riff Raff warned conversationally.

Monstrosity? Did he mean the song? Well, it was kind of annoying. And something told him that deliberately annoying residents of this castle would earn him a fate not unlike Eddie's. "Sorry."

Riff Raff nodded, appeased.

"Where is he?" Dr. Scott demanded. "I know he was staying here."

"He died," Raj replied without thinking.

Dr. Furter turned to glare at him.

"But he did!" Raj protested.

"Yes, well, I suppose he did," Dr. Furter conceded. "Tragic pick-axe related accident."

Well that was certainly one way of putting it.

"What do you _mean_ 'tragic pick-axe related accident'?" Dr. Scott cried out.

"Really, doctor, I would have thought that was obvious." Suddenly Dr. Furter's head shot up. "Do you hear something?"

"Not really," Raj replied.

Dr. Furter took off and, after staring at each other for a moment, the three followed him.

Dr. Furter was standing in front of a bored-looking Rocky. Sheldon was on his knees, examining Rocky's leg.

"Rocky!" Dr. Furter shouted, outraged. "I made you and I can break you just as easily!"

Sheldon got to his feet. "What seems to be the problem?"

"You rejected _me_ but you'll have sex with Rocky? And I created him and he'd turn on me so easily?" Dr. Furter was really getting worked up. "I should kill you both for you betrayal!"

"Betrayal? What betrayal?" Sheldon asked, genuinely concerned. "Rocky and I haven't engaged in coitus."

That stopped Dr. Furter cold. "You…haven't?"

Sheldon looked disturbed at the thought. "Of course not."

"Then what are you doing?" Dr. Furter inquired.

"I am examining this life form you've created," Sheldon explained. "He's very human-like but he doesn't seem capable of speech past the singing so I've yet to decide if he is actually human or not."

Dr. Furter just stared at him until the gong rang.

"Master, dinner is prepared!" Magenta shouted gleefully.

They all crowded into the dining room. Dr. Furter served them all and then gave a toast.

Sheldon inspected his plate. "What is this?"

"Can't you just eat it?" Raj asked him.

Sheldon didn't deign to answer that question.

"It's quite good," Dr. Furter assured him.

"But what is it?" Sheldon pressed. "I don't eat any food that I don't know what it is."

Columbia, who had been about to take a bite, paused and put her fork down.

"You don't eat any food in the middle of the night, either," Raj pointed out.

"That doesn't mean I don't still want to know," Sheldon replied.

"While this is all very fascinating, I'm sure, we did come here to discuss Eddie," Dr. Scott declared.

"Maybe _you_ did," Dr. Furter muttered.

"Dr. Furter," Dr. Scott said reprovingly.

"That's a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?" Dr. Furter said brightly.

"Oh God…" Columbia said, putting her hand over her mouth. "I almost ate…"

"I don't get it," Sheldon complained. "What is this?"

"I mean, I knew he was in with a bad crowd but I didn't know that it was _aliens_," Dr. Scott said mournfully, shaking his head.

"I find that racist," sniffed Magenta.

"Aliens?" Raj perked up. "I had sex with an alien? When did I become a tabloid story? Am I going to get pregnant?"

"No, of course not," Dr. Furter said impatiently. "Probably. People don't usually stick around for nine months but Columbia never got pregnant."

"I use protection," Columbia informed them.

"Raj, your engaging in coitus with an alien is the least interesting part of there being an alien here," Sheldon said dismissively. "What planet are you from? What are the biological differences between your species and humans? Do you even truly look human or is it some form of a disguise? Why are you here? Are there any other aliens here?"

"Dr. Von Scott," Dr. Furter said loudly in an attempt to avoid Sheldon's questions.

"That really isn't my name," Dr. Scott said tightly.

"But _are_ you a Nazi?" Raj demanded.

Dr. Scott glanced at him and opened his mouth to reply.

"Dr. Scott?" Sheldon realized. "I was just about to come and see you! We need to talk about your latest paper on string theory."

Dr. Scott grimaced. "No, we really don't. So anyway, I got this note from Eddie. It said 'I'm out of my head. Oh hurry or I may be dead. They mustn't carry out their evil deeds.'"

"What evil deeds?" Magenta asked innocently. "We usually get some form of consent."

"Yes and this letter must have been sent before Eddie's…accident," Riff Raff agreed.

"It's not like Eddie was a prude or anything," Magenta mused. "Oh, you're not going to cry are you, Columbia?"

Columbia shook her head. "No," she said shortly.

"You know, I'm really not sure what I want to do more, ask about the aliens or the creation of life," Sheldon said, biting his lip.

"What about the fact that they managed to freeze somebody and then revive him or talking to Dr. Scott?" Raj asked.

"I can talk to Dr. Scott later," Sheldon replied.

"Thank God," Dr. Scott murmured.

"And I already examined the cryogenics machine and I think I know how it works," Sheldon said proudly. "You can get a lot done when you're not busy engaging in coitus."

"I'm sure you can but I bet that I had more fun," Raj shot back.

"Perhaps," Sheldon said, sounding like he rather doubted it, "but we'll see who's having fun when I win the Nobel Prize."

"Isn't it cheating to win by using technology that already exists?" Raj inquired.

"Not if I figured out how to recreate it on my own," Sheldon insisted. "And if I can figure out how to create life, too…"

Dr. Furter started to twitch. "Doesn't anybody care that we're eating Eddie?"

Sheldon glanced at Rocky who was eating with great relish. "Evidently not Rocky."

"He's hard-core," Raj said, nodding respectfully. He might be seriously disturbed by that but it was still somewhat impressive that Rocky wasn't. Perhaps he just didn't realize cannibalism was bad. He wasn't very old, after all.

"I don't understand what is wrong with you people," Dr. Furter said, sighing.

"What's wrong with us is that you've yet to answer my questions on your species or about Rocky," Sheldon said pointedly and began bombarding Dr. Furter with questions but only getting the occasional reply.

At some point Magenta and Riff Raff exchanged a look and disappeared.

Raj noticed them leaving but he was actually learning some things from Sheldon's pestering. Who would have thought that that would have ever come in handy?

After ten minutes or so, Riff Raff and Magenta returned dressed in gold uniforms and with their hair up. Riff Raff was holding some sort of a gun.

"Did I miss something?" Raj wondered. "And do I need another drink or to lay off of them?"

"Frank N Furter, it's all over. Your mission is a failure; your lifestyle's too extreme. I'm your new commander; you now are my prisoner. We return to Transylvania. Prepare the transit beam," Riff Raff ordered, his voice ringing with authority.

"Are you…are you throwing a coup?" Dr. Scott asked, surprised.

"We were going to have one later but this was taking too long," Magenta explained.

"So you're taking Dr. Furter back to Transylvania with you?" Raj asked.

Riff Raff shook his head. "Was that the impression I gave you? If so then I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. I'll try to be more clear. Magenta and myself are returning to Transylvania – the planet, not the country – and we're going to kill Frank N Furter."

"I see," Raj said, nodding. "What's his crime?"

"You mean other than stealing half of Eddie's brain, cryofreezing him, and then hacking him to death with a pick-axe because people were paying the slightest bit of attention to him?" Columbia asked bitterly. "And then trying to feed him to us?"

"No, I think that actually covers it," Raj replied. "I can't believe I forgot about that."

"He is such a user. He always does this and I'm sick of it," Columbia said bitterly.

"But I can explain!" Dr. Furter said frantically.

"If you're going to start talking about cards and being misunderstood then we've heard it all before," Riff Raff said disinterestedly.

"Then…I've got nothing," Dr. Furter admitted.

"And soon you shall be nothing," Riff Raff said with satisfaction. "So good of you to set me up for that one." With that, he pulled the trigger and shot Dr. Furter right there. He pointed the gun at Rocky who was, for whatever reason, still eating.

"He's not going to stay looking like that that way," Raj said cynically.

"Wait, you can't shoot him!" Sheldon cried out.

"And why not?" Riff Raff challenged.

"Because he is an artificially created _life_!" Sheldon answered. "Do you have any idea how useful he would be to the scientific community?"

"Not very good for him, though. I mean, I've seen all those horror movies, locked up in a cage until one day he goes mad and starts killing," Columbia said, shuddering.

Sheldon shot her a look. "The ethical guidelines of the scientific community would never allow for that."

"Well I don't want him here," Riff Raff said. "So get him out of here."

"You're just going to let him go?" Magenta asked surprised.

Riff Raff nodded. "I get the feeling that he likes me."

Sheldon nodded. "It's true; I do."

"I'm sorry about your nephew, Dr. Scott," Riff Raff told him.

"Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best," Dr. Scott said, laughing nervously.

Raj stared at him. "You are a terrible person."

"I was a Nazi," Dr. Scott said, rolling his eyes.

"Well…you are also a terrible person independent of that," Raj said, quickly rallying. "Though now that I think on it that might have explained your career choice…"

"You should leave now, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania," Riff Raff informed them. "You have five minutes."

* * *

It was a bit of a rush but they all managed to make it out of the house before it vanished.

"Does this mean that they imported the very house as well?" Raj wondered.

"So now what?" Columbia asked blankly.

"Now I am going to have my discussion with Dr. Scott, preferably back at his place where he will offer me a beverage, and then I am taking Rocky home to study," Sheldon announced. "I don't know what you're doing."

"Sheldon, I can't go to the home of a Nazi!" Raj protested.

"You can wait in the car if you'd like," Sheldon allowed magnanimously. "You'd probably just get in the way."

"What about me? I don't have any transportation," Columbia told them.

Raj eyed her speculatively. Her clothing was a little bright but she was rather pretty. "You can come with us," he offered. "And I don't know how long you've been staying at the castle or if you have anywhere else to go but you're welcome to stay with me until you can find a place." He would just need to stack up on his alcohol. Or maybe finally get some therapy – with a man, naturally – so he could actually learn how to talk to women. It was something to consider.

Columbia smiled at that. "That sounds great. But I should warn you that my last boyfriend was just brutally murdered right in front of me a few hours ago."

Raj shrugged. "I can work with it."

Sheldon rolled his eyes disgustedly. "I can't believe that after everything that's happened all you people can think about is _coitus_."

It's the end so Review Please!


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